I've had to learn this the hard way in friendships. Sometimes people just want to vent and need to so they can rid themselves of the stress in the moment. I've had this lessen driven home even further when, in certain situations, people have given me advice (lecturing) and I see how it feels and doesn't help. Um, not good. Noted!
Such a good point - it's often when we're on the other side of the table (receiving the unwelcomed advice) that we realize just how good-intentioned but bad-outcomed it is!
Precisely. Good intentions don't always land as he hope and think. As you wrote, that's not what other people always need (or want). Learning takes knowing the communication choices that you suggested and lots of discipline and practice.
Really saw myself in this--I also love to be "helpful." The idea of waiting 10 minutes to see if my thought/advice is still relevant is...as are the questions to ask instead. Thank you!
I've had to learn this the hard way in friendships. Sometimes people just want to vent and need to so they can rid themselves of the stress in the moment. I've had this lessen driven home even further when, in certain situations, people have given me advice (lecturing) and I see how it feels and doesn't help. Um, not good. Noted!
Such a good point - it's often when we're on the other side of the table (receiving the unwelcomed advice) that we realize just how good-intentioned but bad-outcomed it is!
Precisely. Good intentions don't always land as he hope and think. As you wrote, that's not what other people always need (or want). Learning takes knowing the communication choices that you suggested and lots of discipline and practice.
Really saw myself in this--I also love to be "helpful." The idea of waiting 10 minutes to see if my thought/advice is still relevant is...as are the questions to ask instead. Thank you!
It does come from such a good place, right? And yet ... we have to think about our impact rather than our intentions.