What Helps When You're Stressed? These Things Actually Work
I asked 10 leaders what helps them decrease stress. Here's their physical and mindset advice to lighten the emotional toll.
Not long ago, I sat around the table with 10 leaders from across the country. They represented different industries and stages of their careers, but they had one thing in common: stress.
This group had the normal day-to-day stressors of big jobs with high expectations and not enough resources. Some were in organizations going through layoffs. Many were also experiencing personal challenges with their health, with their children or caregiving for parents. But what had really brought the conversation to the forefront of our day was the uncertainty created in stock markets and marketplaces because of tariffs and cuts to research funding.
“What the heck is going on?” asked one man as he rubbed his forehead with both hands. “I cannot keep up.”
After letting everyone blow off a little steam, I decided a change of pace was needed. I paired the group up, sent them off on a walk and asked them to share stories about times they’d successfully managed or lowered their stress.
The 10 leaders who returned to the room 30 minutes later were much happier than the 10 who left the room, and of course, they were the same people. As we shared our stories, a host of ideas emerged for how to lower stress, especially in seasons where the stressors keep on coming.
Their list was so great, I wanted to share it with you. Below, I’ve grouped their top 10 ideas into three big buckets: 1) work strategies, 2) physical strategies, and 3) mindset strategies.
Let me warn you: there are no big surprises here. The ideas here are sound, basic wisdom about how to take care of yourself when it feels like the world is conspiring against you.
Here’s the thing about the basics … just because they’re familiar doesn’t mean we’re good at them. Or do them consistently. In basketball, free throws are as basic as you can get, but NBA players only hit 78% of their free throw shots, and the averages are much lower for field goal percentages. (FWIW, the WNBA’s free throw average is higher!)
In other words, we could all benefit from working on the basics.
Work strategies
Fix the root of the problem
Let go of the little things
Find your plug-and-play patterns
There’s a saying that if you see a dead fish floating in a pond, you might think, “Wonder what happened to the fish?” If you see a lot of dead fish floating in a pond, you instead think, “Wonder what happened to the pond?”
Fixing the pond — by which we mean the root of the problem — is the first consideration for lowering stress. Can you do something to change the situation? Likely, your immediate response is “no.” But you’d be surprised at how often we think we have no options, when really we just haven’t identified them.
Challenge yourself to answer this question: What are five things that you could do? Perhaps you can find a solution, or even just a partial solution that eases some of the pain.
Presuming you can’t solve the problem overall, ask yourself, What can I let go of to make more energy for the urgent situation?
As humans, when we’re under extreme “fight-or-flight” stress, our body pauses some things, like digestion, to devote more energy to the most immediate needs. What can you pause?
Then ask yourself, What steps did I take when I faced a similar challenge in the past? Often, our familiar patterns give us a process to follow as we face new obstacles and opportunities.
Physical strategies
Take care of your body
Work with your senses
Find ways to play
Take a getaway
The strategies for fighting stress at work help change the problem itself. Physical methods for lowering stress help you build muscle (literally and figuratively) that can sustain you through stressful seasons.
Perhaps the most basic of all the suggestions is to take care of your body — proper exercise, sleep, and nutrition are foundational to having the energy and emotional health to face what comes your way. But like free throw shots, it’s hard to do these things with perfect accuracy.
What are small changes you can make to take better care of your body? Could you get 15 minutes more sleep each day? A thousand more steps? Or are there other small shifts you could make? One woman in our group of 10 leaders spoke about finding it helpful to replace her nightly glass of wine with a mug of tea.
Stress is our brain’s response to circumstances; countering it often requires moving attention to your body. Therapists and researchers recommend focusing on your five senses to interrupt stressful thoughts.
One easy practice is “54321”:
What are 5 things you can see?
What are 4 things you can touch?
What are 3 things you can hear?
What are 2 things you can smell?
What is 1 thing you can taste?
Pausing to answer those five questions can help you regain your emotional control. And it can be done from your desk at work, or in the car as you drive home.
Speaking of driving home, getting away from work is helpful. Our group of leaders talked about the value of play — with pets, with kids or even with their imagination as they worked in their gardens. And getaways, even short ones, during stressful times are known to provide the time and space you need to find a new perspective.
Mindset strategies
Take care of your mind
Draw boundaries
Find the mantra that works for you
Finally, managing your mindset is an essential strategy for lowering stress.
The leaders around the table each had their approaches to taking care of their minds. Some paused each day to ask, What am I grateful for?, recording the answers in a journal. Others sought out sources of wisdom, like The Book of Joy by the Dalai Lama, or The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday. Prayer and meditation were also frequent practices of these leaders.
How am I quieting my mind each day? This is the central question to consider. When we’re in a place of constant stress and busyness, we lose our ability to find perspective. Even a few daily moments of quieting the mind can help you regain a sense of calm.
What boundaries can I draw? is another important question. At various points in my career, I’ve made 6 p.m. my work boundary so I could prioritize dinner with my family. One woman in our group spoke about her boundary of not checking her phone while in bed; to stop herself, she places a book of Mary Oliver poetry over the top of her phone, on the nightstand.
Finally, you can find the mantra that works for you and your situation. Some recommended by the group:
This, too, shall pass.
Calm down – we’re not doing brain surgery.
Control what you can control, and let go of the rest.
A full to-do list isn’t stress; it’s just busy.
What mantras help you recalibrate your thinking?
How am I doing at managing stress?
The challenge with writing an article like this is that it’s hard not to take on the voice of an expert. But when it comes to lowering stress and managing anxiety, I’m a novice. One of the things that helps me most is talking with friends who care about the struggles and obstacles I’m facing, but can also validate my strength and capacity.
I hope you hear that validation in this article — you do have real stressors in your life. And you also have real resources at your fingertips that will help you face them.
This article first appeared in SmartBrief’s leadership newsletter.
BONUS QUESTION (with bonus content too!)
Actress Amy Poehler has a new podcast, Good Hang. Recently she interviewed Mike Schur, a producer and show runner for some of my favorite TV shows (including The Good Place, Parks & Recreation, and The Office).
Usually, when there’s a walk-on part in a show like that, the character gets named something non-descriptive, like Man 1 or Employee 2.
Schur realized he could give names to these characters, which would give the struggling actors who play them a named credit on their IMDB (the website where movie and show appearances are tracked). Having a named character on a major show, even when it was a bit part, gave more credibility to these actors. (Schur also had a lot of fun with the names, as he shares in the podcast.)
I love this example of finding a small thing that makes someone else’s life better.
So, our bonus question: in what small ways are you making the lives of others better? How are you helping people be seen and appreciated?
Photo by energepic.com.