TEDx Highlights—Using Questions to Build Real Connection in an Age of Loneliness
Two steps you can take immediately to strengthen relationships and deepen understanding.
It took me a long time to learn this simple lesson: asking better questions is an unexpected shortcut to more connection and less loneliness.
We’re living through what experts say is an epidemic of loneliness. Despite being more “connected” than ever through technology, genuine human connection feels increasingly elusive. We scroll through hundreds of social media updates but struggle to have meaningful conversations with the people sitting right next to us.
The problem isn’t that we don’t care about connection—it’s that we’ve forgotten how to create it
Think about your last few conversations. How many of them left you feeling truly seen, heard, or understood? If you’re like most people, probably not many. That’s because often our daily interactions operate on autopilot—insubstantial exchanges that barely scratch the surface of who we really are.
But changing just one element of how you communicate can have a powerful impact on your relationships. It can make the difference between feeling isolated, and feeling deeply connected.
The answer lies in the questions we ask.
We’ve all been conditioned to ask the same predictable questions: “How are you?” “How was your weekend?” “How’s work?” These aren’t bad questions, but they invite surface-level responses that keep us safely in the shallow end of human connection.
The magic happens when we learn to ask unpredictable questions that invite people to share something real.
I explain in my TEDx Talk, which is now live on the TEDx YouTube Channel and here on my website. I offer two steps you can take—starting immediately—to ask questions that improve understanding, deepen connections, and strengthen relationships, at work and at home.
Can asking better questions fix everything? No, sadly not. But it’s one of the best, and easiest, options we have for helping others feel more understood and connected. And along the way, I hope you feel more understood and connected too.
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Bonus Content
Tell me something unimportant.
If you have a friend or family member you text regularly, “How are you?” can get a little dull, right? The question above (yes, yes, I know it’s not technically a question) is an invitation to share the trivial. Answering gives someone a chance to pull back the curtain on the mundane aspects of life that somehow, often really matter.
My unimportant thing I’m thinking about right now? Nachos are my favorite airport restaurant food. The nachos I’m eating while I sit at a gate in Toronto are mid, at best. But they’re making me happy.
Hit reply and share something unimportant with me. I’ll appreciate it.